Changes in family life
- Aoife Hickey, Senior Clinical Psychologist
- 7 minute read
- Last updated: October 2023
A stroke happens suddenly. This means families have to adjust quickly to changes in family life, with little preparation. Common changes in family life after stroke are outlined below, along with some tips for managing the journey.
Navigating change
Families often find they have to balance looking after their family member who has had a stroke while making adjustments to their own lives.
Changes in physical ability, communication, cognitive ability, emotion and behaviour all impact on the family. Communication may take more time or effort, or misunderstandings may increase. Problems with attention and memory can cause frustration. Emotional and behavioural changes can be very distressing for families.
This may be the first time that your loved one has had to rely on people for basic tasks, which can be frightening and frustrating. When relationships change, it can cause feelings of sadness, hurt and loneliness.
Changes within the family
There may be a change to roles, responsibilities and power within the family. For example, it may be necessary for someone to take over responsibilities that used to be managed by the stroke survivor, such as managing household finances. It can take time to figure this out in a way that works for everyone. These kinds of changes can feel uncomfortable at first and can lead to a sense of distance between family members.
One partner may have to take on the "carer" role while the other adjusts to being in the "cared for" role. This can lead to a loss of intimacy as a previously equal relationship shifts..
Adult children of stroke survivors can face challenges as they balance the needs of their own families with those of their parents.
Child relatives can also be affected emotionally when someone close to them has a stroke. Their emotional responses will vary according to their age and level of understanding.
Changes outside the family
Role changes outside the family also impact on the family. Survivors or caregivers might make changes to their work or stop working, leading to a reduction in the family income. Combined with the costs of medications and other expenses, this can leave families under financial pressure.
People might step back from friends and leisure activities, or may be less able to access valued activities because of mobility, finances or restrictions on driving. As well as this, extended family and friends may have little understanding of the effects of the stroke.
Caregiving itself is linked to social isolation. Caregivers can feel like they don’t have the time to connect with friends and some feel guilty if they do.
Other Information
Tops tips
Learn about your loved one’s stroke and the effects of stroke
Some effects, such as fatigue, can be worse on some days than others. Understanding stroke effects fully can help you to make realistic plans and goals, and reduce frustration for you and your loved one.
Aoife Hickey | Senior clinical psychologist |
Keep in regular contact with friends and extended family
Try to continue with valued activities and interests as much as possible, and stay involved in family and social events. With the stroke survivor’s permission, it can be helpful to explain the stroke to important people in your lives, or you could encourage or support your loved one to do so.
Aoife Hickey | Senior clinical psychologist |
Communicate openly and honestly
Families with clear roles, predictable routines, good communication and problem-solving, and who feel emotionally close, tend to do well. Try to communicate openly and honestly, including about changes to roles inside and outside home. Remove distractions during important conversations, and speak one at a time. Disagreements are normal and to be expected. When disagreements happen, stay calm, and listen carefully to the other person’s views.
Aoife Hickey | Senior clinical psychologist |
Look after yourself
Eat a healthy diet, get a good night’s sleep and try to get some physical exercise every day.
Aoife Hickey | Senior clinical psychologist |
Talk to someone you trust
If you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, low in mood or anxious, speak to someone you trust. If there is something practical someone can do to help, let them know. Meeting others in a similar situation can be helpful, such as via the Irish Heart Foundation or brain injury services. If how you are feeling is getting in the way of your day-to-day life, speak to your GP (family doctor).
Aoife Hickey | Senior clinical psychologist |
Frequently asked questions
The Irish Heart Foundation, Acquired Brain Injury Ireland and Headway offer support to family members.
If stress is a problem, the Stress Control series or Living Well programme can be a good place to start.
If you feel low or anxious, and it is getting in the way of your day-to-day life, you should speak to your GP(family doctor).
Children, including young children, can sense when something has changed. The best approach is to be honest and to explain what has happened in a way they can understand. Give them time to ask questions and say how they feel. Sometimes children worry the stroke happened because of something they did. It's important to tell your child it's not their fault, even if they don’t mention it. Try to keep up their usual routines and activities as much as possible. It's helpful to inform their school. Some children may need additional support. For example, if they are constantly sad, there is a noticeable change in their behaviour or their school work is not as good as usual. Link in with your GP (family doctor) if this is the case.
CHATS, a booklet on talking to children and young people about stroke, is available on the Tallaght University Hospital website.
Headway has published guides on understanding brain injury for children aged seven to 12 and for adolescents.
Absolutely. With your loved one, think about things that you enjoyed together or things that were important before the stroke. It may be that you return to easier activities first – for example, activities which don’t require too much energy or that happen in quieter places. Some adaptations may be needed to allow the stroke survivor to take part, but getting back to as many valued activities as possible is important for the well-being of your loved one and the family.
Contacts
Telephone: 01 6685001
Email: support@irishheart.ie
Website: irishheart.ie
Telephone: 1800 700 700
Email: info@hse.ie
Website: www2.hse.ie/contact/
Telephone: 1800 400 478
Email: helpline@headway.ie
Website: www.headway.ie
Useful links
Information and advice about your mental health and wellbeing from the HSE
